***This post is potentially still a work in progress...it's kind of my emotional 'throw up'. I apogolize if it doesn't make much sense...sometimes that's the way my heart works...I can't believe that my scheduled court date is 36 hours away...time has flown by. I am excited about the possibility of passing court and having my daughter home very soon. And yet as December 29th approaches, I am grieved for the birth family that will have to, once again, make the most difficult decision of their lives.
I had not anticipated the grief I am feeling for this family- folks I've never even met, folks I'm connected to by a tiny 6 pound baby girl.
I would imagine that when this family took their tiny baby girl to the care center in July, that it was the hardest thing they have ever done. I would imagine that they have missed their daughter every day since then. Have they wondered what would happen to her? Was she being taken care of? Did she miss them? Where would she end up? I would imagine there were days they even wanted to go back and get her.
Did they know when they placed her for adoption that they would have to show up for a court hearing? That they would have to travel almost 8 hours to the capital city? I know that my agency helps them get there, and I am very thankful for that, but then what? Where will they stay? What will they eat? Have they ever been to the big city before...it would imagine it's pretty scary when all you have known is small town life. Will they lose a day's wages because of this trip? What will the trip home be like?
I don't know exactly what happens during these court proceedings. Maybe my imagination is running away with its self. But I wonder if they will feel the grief of that first day all over again. I wonder what the judge will ask them. I wonder if they will have to sign more papers...Maybe papers they can't read or don't understand. I wonder if they will regret their decision. I wonder if they will get to see and hold their child one more time and have the opportunity to tell her good bye. I wish I could be there for that. I wish I could tell them that I will love their daughter forever and always remind her what a tremendous gift her birth family has given both of us.
Because of the time difference, my court case will be heard while we are all sleeping early Tuesday morning. In fact, it will likely be done by the time I go to work on Tuesday. So until then, I will be filled with mixed emotion- hoping everything is in place and that we pass, excited that she may be legally mine but grieving for the loss of another. I'll be praying for my daughter's birth family- for extraordinary provision and safety for their trip, for comfort for their broken hearts, and for peace and assurance that their daughter will be well loved and provided for. I pray someone will be there to hug her family tight.
I'm thankful that at Christmas time, we are reminded of the awesome gift our God gave us, the gift of Emanuel, God with us. I'm thankful that the Prince of Peace came to this earth in the form of a tiny baby. I pray that my child's birth family will know in a new and powerful way that God IS with them and that the Prince of Peace with shower them with unexplainable comfort. I am thankful that He is a God that knows personally, the loss that they are feeling...He's been there, He's given up His only child, too.
Well, my assigned court appointment has come and gone! I made it until almost 1:00 this afternoon before emailing my agency to see if they had heard anything...knowing they likely hadn't. The girls at my agency are so patient with me :) She reminded me that they usually don't hear for 3-5 days, waiting to get the court report in writing before telling adoptive families. So, because of the New Year holiday, I don't really expect to hear anything before next week. The days leading up to court were easier than waiting to hear the results. I promise to post as soon as I hear back from them. Until then, I'll continue to wait and pray. (If you will, pray, too, that birth family gets home safely and that their grief becomes less, little by little- Thanks!)
More adoption fun.....To quote my friend Theresa, "I've been shot....5 times!" I made my way to the local health department today to get my travel vaccines: Diphtheria/Tetanus, Polio, Meningitis, Hepatitis A, and Yellow Fever. I also got a goodybag full of the oral Typhoid vaccine and a prescription for anti-malaria medication. And my silly mom thought all the vaccines at the health department were free- WRONG! BIG WRONG!! Thank you to sweet Pam at the Health Department who was so kind...even when I nearly passed out! Even as a seasoned health care worker, I still hate needles. So, I'm dosing the Tylenol and going to bed early. The girls at work said I can whine for 5 days since I got 5 shots...they may be sorry!!!
