How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called the children of God!
1 John 3:1

A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing.
Psalm 68:5-6



Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Attachment or Behavior?

In the adoption world, there is a great deal of talk about 'attachment'. If you are not familiar with this concept, there is a lot of great information out there...so no need for me to restate it here. Since Anna has come home, I have been very concerned about our attachment- not because she doesn't seem attached to me now, but because I worry about whether or not I'm doing enough. Is there something I'm missing? Is the attachment we have achieved thus far going to 'run out'? If I let her cry longer than a few seconds, will she learn that I can't be trusted? Are we firmly attached and is that permanent or will I always have to work on it? I can get myself all worked up worrying about this......

I also want to be a good parent. I want to set boundaries with Anna and be sure she knows that I'm in charge, not her. I want to her to learn respect and manners. I also want her to know how incredibly much I love her and can't imagine my life without her. I want to love her well and nurture the person God made her to be. I could go on and on, but I think you get my point.

So, this sets me up for a dilemma.

While we were in Ethiopia, Anna was a great sleeper. I could put her to bed and she would put herself right to sleep. She would wake up in the night to eat, I'd feed her, and she'd go right back to sleep. I was thrilled!

Somewhere over Europe or the Atlantic ocean, she lost that 'put herself to sleep' skill. (If anyone travelling happens to find it, I'd pay a big reward!!) Our current go to bed routine has included a bottle followed by rocking and patting until Anna falls asleep and I put her to bed. Then typically, within an hour of falling asleep, she wakes back up and I have to stand at her crib side and pat her for another 15-20 minutes until she once again falls back to sleep. If I happened to leave her too early, she wakes back up and we start all over. Over the past weeks, this going to sleep time has been taking longer and longer......and I've been stuck on how to handle it.

Is this an attachment problem or a learned behavior that needs correcting?

I feel confident that this is not the last time I will ask this question. I also feel pretty sure there are no clear answers.....
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousJuly 28, 2010 at 11:06 PM

    My Eric was like the first part of your post. SO HARD to get to sleep and keep asleep. When I read that I remembered back to when he was little and we went thru exactly the same thing. Now, he goes to bed and stays until he goes to sleep and sleeps all night. Some how I'm beginning to think it is just a phase of sleep life, or the lack there of, and that they outgrow that as they get older. Darla

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  2. BethJuly 29, 2010 at 8:19 AM

    Let me know if you get good answers!! Eden's ability to put herself to sleep was lost between home and the dr's office, so I'm hoping she'll find it again soon! Our bedtime routine has been pretty much the exact same as Anna's the past few days.

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